People I envy

If only I could’ve lived in their time…

It was a Friday, and as I was going about my usual Friday things, a few lines from Abyaat ash-Shatibiyyah started echoing in my mind (in the voice of Sh. Mishary Alafasy):

فَيَا أَيُّهَا الْقَارِي بِهِ مُتَمَسِّكاً ... مُجِلاًّ لَهُ فِي كُلِّ حَالٍ مُبَجِّلا

هَنِيئاً مَرِيئاً وَالِدَاكَ عَلَيْهِما ... مَلاَبِسُ أَنْوَارٍ مِنَ التَّاجِ وَالحُلاْ

فَما ظَنُّكُمْ بالنَّجْلِ عِنْدَ جَزَائِهِ ... أُولَئِكَ أَهْلُ اللهِ والصَّفَوَةُ المَلَا

أُولُو الْبِرِّ وَالإِحْسَانِ وَالصَّبْرِ وَالتُّقَى ... حُلاَهُمُ بِهَا جَاءَ الْقُرَانُ مُفَصَّلَا

“So, O reciter (of the Qur’an)! Hold firmly on to it, honoring it and respecting in all conditions.

Enjoy well (all coming your way in the gardens of paradise)! Your parents will be adorned with garments of pure light, crowns (of honor), and (other) adornments.

So what do you think of the children (of these parents) when they are rewarded? They are the people of Allah and the high-ranking elite.

Righteousness, ihsan (excellence), patience and God-consciousness are their adornment. The Qur’an came with these attributes, explaining them in detail.”

I was reflecting on how great the reward of the one who memorized the Quran would be, when just the reward of their parents is so magnificent. Then my mind drifted to the reward of the teacher of the hafidh/hafidha and the teachers of the teachers. I couldn’t begin to imagine it.

Like imagine the number of students they taught. And then how many students those students taught and so on… until our time!

And I found myself envying them—the halal kind of jealousy where you admire the khair they had, without wishing for it to go away. They were here long before me and looted so many hasanaat (good deeds).

The Prophet ﷺ said there are two things you can be jealous about:

لا حسد إلا فى اثنتين‏:‏ رجل آتاه الله مالاً، فسلطه على هلكته فى الحق، ورجل آتاه الله حكمة، فهو يقضي بها ويعلمها

"Envy is permitted only in two cases: A man whom Allah gives wealth, and he disposes of it rightfully, and a man to whom Allah gives knowledge which he applies and teaches it.”

Bukhari and Muslim

So here’s a poem that summarizes my train of thought from there:

(I’m a little nervous to share some poetry on here. I’m a newbie.)

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I feel jealous of the people before me
For being sent in this world well ahead of me
So they could teach generations the Quran—including me

To have lived in their shoes, is my envious heart’s plea
I wonder how great their reward must be
For the thousands they taught without a fee

But something tells me, they are more jealous of me still being alive
Despite all the perks they had, they don’t have a chance now to revive
Their Imaan that sometimes felt like a plane taking a nose dive

They wish they could have a chance to make two more rak'ahs
A chance to strive, a chance to recite a couple of ayahs
A chance to kneel, prostrate and repent, a chance to make a few duas

Chances that I forget and so easily overlook
Busy curating how I look, wondering how to market my book
Or maybe just trying to test the latest Instagram hook

But I really envy them for being able to greet the Most Beloved of all Messengers
Peace be upon the one who cried for us, though we never met, just strangers
The one who called us his brothers and prayed for Allah to protect us from all that endangers
Our faith, yaqeen and jannah, from conflicts around and within, that linger in the heartly chambers

And those after them who met the likes of Abu Hanifa, Malik, Shafi and Ahmad
Oh how must it have been to have met giants like Ibn Taimiyyah and Muhammad
Al-Bukhari, who preserved the sunnah walking in the footsteps of people like As’ad

Then I’m reminded of the sparse comforts and their difficult lifestyle
How could a spoilt person like me have survived in conditions so hostile?
How can I live without electricity, cellular service or the internet?

When just the thought of taking the stairs up a building 6 storeys high
Makes me wanna cry, riding a camel is a touristy thing people try like chai
Not a means of transport in a land barren and dry

How could I have endured the struggles of traveling?
How could I have boarded a ship rocking and barely sailing?
How could I have left my family with a heart ailing?

But I still envy them for living in some sense of an Ummah
One that used to be united based on a Kalimah
One that’s been butchered a century ago, a lost Ni’mah

How must it have felt to identify as equals by faith
Everyone’s born equal, no matter what your class or race
No nationality to drive a wedge between people living with grace

Yet, I’m happy to be living in the modern world of today
Grateful to Allah for the comfort and technology I have everyday
A life with no lights, fans and phones sounds hard even for a day

But with technology came a lot of fitnah and emptiness
Paving the way for the arrival of Dajjal I never wanna witness
Causing a believer to feel stranded in a desert of faithlessness

The world has become one-eyed
With the eye of divine guidance shut tight
The world shifting with every secular revolutionary tide

Life now is to satisfy every want and desire, there no longer exists a “why”
Exploring the world just through the materialistic eye
Forgotten is the day you’ll be held accountable after you die

That’s another thing I envy about the people before me—bigtime
They had less worldly fitnah, and didn’t face Dajjal in their lifetime
I ask Allah to protect me from being alive when he appears in due time

But at the end, despite all my envy and wishes, I find
That I’m content with the generation I’ve been assigned
Because the narration of Miqdad comes to mind

I don’t know whether I’d be a disgraceful qurashi or a loyal ansari
Because not everyone that met the Prophet was a noble sahabi
Not everyone after them was a taabi’i or a tabi’i-taabi’i

Maybe Allah sent me now because I might not had the resilience and strength 
To stand tall by the truth whether it was the fifth year of prophethood or the tenth
Maybe I could not have stayed with the sahaba on the same wavelength

Or maybe because He made me better qualified 
To deal with the challenges of my time that have amplified
Maybe He made me to lead this generation sanctified and dignified
Praise be to Allah and May He be Exalted and Glorified

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Okay… I wanted to add a few footnotes with it, but substack won’t let me. So here are a few important notes:

1. As’ad was the first convert from Yathrib. He prepared Yathrib to become the Madina that we know of today, to protect Islam and serve as the base of an Islamic civilization. (I dedicated a chapter about him in my book, check it out 😆).

2. Muhammad mentioned along with Ibn Taimiyyah is a reference to Imam al-Bukhari whose full name was Muhammad Ibn Isma’il.

3. Kalimah: The declaration of faith. There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger.

4. Ni’mah: blessing

5. Qurashi: someone belonging to the family of Quraysh

6. Ansari: A person from Madina who embraced and supported the Prophet ﷺ .

7. Sahabi: (pl. sahaba) lit. a companion; someone who met the Prophet ﷺ .

8. Taabi’i: lit. a follower; someone who met a sahabi.

9. Tabi’i Taabi’i: someone who met a taabi’i

Narration of Miqdad:

Jubayr ibn Nufayr said, "One day we were sitting when al-Miqdad ibn al-Aswad when a man passed us. The man said, 'Blessing be to those two eyes which saw the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. By Allah, I wish that I had seen what you have seen and witnessed what you have witnessed!' This angered al-Miqdad and that surprised me as the man had said nothing but good things. Then he turned to them and said, 'What made the man desire to summon back what Allah has taken away? Does he not realise what his situation would be if he had seen him? By Allah, if certain people had been with the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, Allah would have thrown them on their faces into Hellfire since they would neither have answered nor confirmed him? Do you not praise Allah Almighty since He brought you forth and you only know your Lord and confirm what your Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, brought? You see enough affliction in other people. By Allah, the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was sent in the harshest state in which any Prophet was ever sent - in a gap (in the line of prophethood) and the time of Ignorance. They did not believe that the deen was better than worshipping idols. He brought the Discrimination by which it is possible to discriminate between the true and false, and which can part a father from his child. Then a man will think of his father, child or brother as an unbeliever. Allah has loosened the locks of his heart by faith and he knows that the other person will be destroyed in the Fire. Therefore his eye is not cool since he knows that the one he loves will be in the Fire. It is what Allah says, "Those who say, 'Our Lord, give us joy in our wives and children." (25:74)'”

Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 87

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With that taken care of, Here’s an old memory of mine. I distinctly remember when my Nana (m. grandad) passed away—Allah yarhamhu—the first thought that crossed my mind was, “He was saved from facing Dajjal.”

Now I know that’s a very random thought. I don’t know why that was my first thought. I was still in middle school. Still making sense of the world around me.

Maybe I was listening to a few lectures about Dajjal then, who knows.

Anyways, do you ever envy the people before us? Eager to read your thoughts in the comments.

With love and duas,
Hiba