I Made Istikhara and Nothing Worked Out—Or So I Thought

Three rejections that reminded me why Allah’s plan > mine, every time. Behind every closed door, there was always something better waiting.

Istikhara is a gift we sometimes forget we have. It’s not just a dua—it’s an act of surrender. A way to say: Ya Allah, I want this, but I want Your wisdom more.

And yet, sometimes after we make Istikhara, what we wanted doesn’t happen. It feels like a loss… until you look back and realize that Allah was writing a better story for you all along.

I wanted to share a few stories from my own life where I prayed Istikhara and things didn’t go the way I wanted—but subhanAllah, they ended up being exactly what I needed. I’m so glad that Allah didn’t give me exactly what I wanted and gave something better every single time.

Here are 3 times that happened in my life:

1. The year I wanted to skip a grade

Back in eighth grade, there was a chance for me to skip a year in school. And to me, that sounded like the best thing ever. I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to save time wherever I can, so skipping a whole grade? It felt like a dream.

I applied. I prayed Istikhara. I waited.

And… I didn’t get selected. A few others did, but not me. I was definitely disappointed. It wasn’t even a problem with my grades. I’ve always had good grades Alhamdulillah, yet I could see other students with grades lower than mine get promoted. I had really wanted that one-year shortcut, and I couldn’t make sense of why it didn’t work out, especially since I’d made Istikhara.

But not long after that, a few girls who had completed their Hifdh joined my class. And slowly, something started tugging at my heart—If they could do it, why not me?

That spark turned into a decision, and within a couple of months, I found myself enrolled in a Hifdh class. If I had skipped a grade, I wouldn’t have been in that classroom. I wouldn’t have seen those girls. I wouldn’t have been inspired by them and the snowball effect of hifdh in my life would never have taken place.

2. The Montessori dream that didn’t work out

My mom really wanted me to do a Montessori teacher training course—and honestly, I loved the idea too. Teaching young kids, shaping their environment with Islamic values from the start... I couldn’t imagine anything better.

I applied, wrote my essay, went for the interview. Everything looked good—I even had great referrals and personal support from my Montessori principal. She personally vouched for me, and the institute held her in high regard as an old student and member.

But then they told me I couldn’t be accepted. I was just one month short of turning 18. And since it was an international body, they couldn’t make any exceptions. You had to be 18 before the first day of classes—not even one day after.

I had been praying Istikhara throughout the process. I made so much du’a. We tried every angle, checked every possibility.

Still, the answer was no. I was disappointed—more than I wanted to admit. But I reminded myself: Allah, I trust You. You heard my Istikhara.

Less than six months later, my dad and I decided I should apply to Al Madinah International University in Malaysia. I chose to major in Ulum al-Qur’an—and alhamdulillah, I got in. I even passed the Arabic proficiency test, which felt like such a huge blessing, especially because I had studied Arabic entirely through YouTube videos and free resources online.

Looking back… if I had gotten into the Montessori program, I would’ve gone all in. I wouldn’t have had the time, mental space or energy to pursue Islamic studies. My focus would’ve shifted completely. But Allah closed one door to open a better one He had written for me all along.

3. The publishing house that ghosted me

Last year, I was getting ready to publish my book through a hybrid publishing house. They gave me a solid offer and I was excited—everything seemed like it was finally coming together.

But my parents (being the wise, careful souls they are) asked me to run the contract by someone they trusted. I agreed. I wanted to be sure it was a good deal too.

The person I reached out to—let’s just say he had a lot of suggestions. So many edits, conditions, and back-and-forth changes. I personally felt they were a bit unreasonable, but I tried to balance it all out.

Eventually, the publishing house just… stopped replying. Emails, messages—nothing. I had been ghosted. This was a legit Muslim publishing company, too. No explanation, no closure.

I had made Istikhara before starting this journey. So even though I was upset and confused, I reminded myself: If it was meant for me, Allah would have made it easy.

Before this, I even reached out to a well-known traditional Islamic publisher. But they didn’t accept my book proposal either.

That’s when I started considering self-publishing—something that honestly felt overwhelming. I didn’t have a step-by-step plan. I knew I’d need to hire different people for different parts, and the costs looked like they could add up quickly. I even made a couple of bad investments (it’s definitely a learning curve man), and yet… I still ended up spending less than what the hybrid publisher had quoted.

And guess what? I finished the whole publishing process within five months.

I had a strangely specific age in mind for when I wanted to publish this book—twenty-something-very-particular… but let’s keep that off the internet 😅, but alhamdulillah, I made it.

The hybrid publisher would’ve taken a year. And the traditional publisher would’ve taken at least 3 years. And I genuinely didn’t have the energy for that kind of long timeline back then, not with everything else going on in life. So subhanAllah, it turned out to be a huge blessing—even though it looked like a closed door at first.

So, why am I sharing all this?

Because Istikhara isn’t just about a “yes” or “no.” It’s about trusting that if you asked Allah sincerely, then whatever happens—even silence, even rejection, even detours—is the best outcome for you.

We make du’a with our limited view of the world. But Allah answers from a place of infinite wisdom. And sometimes, what feels like a closed door is actually Allah guiding you somewhere better.

If you’ve prayed Istikhara recently and things haven’t gone your way, I hope this gave your heart a little bit of peace.

It’s okay to feel disappointed. But don’t forget, your Rabb is the Best of Planners and trust Him. Know that He is guiding you to a better place with yaqeen.

With love & duas,
Hiba